Ethan Schreiber

the horrible baseball dream

2008-07-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

I have played baseball (or now the old man version, softball) for most of my life. I have had a mix of great years and terrible years. My senior year in high school was less than stellar. Although i had a few good moments, I struggled mightily over the year. I continue to have nightmares about baseball to this day.

The worst thing that happened to me is that I forgot how to throw. This kept getting worse and worse. It all started between 11th and 12th grade. This is when I started to lift weights. I had been a catcher my first three years in high school and had developed a pretty good arm. My sophmore year, I threw out something like 17 runners in 21 games. I once threw out three runners in one inning. They seemed to not respect me or my arm but i kept throwing them out.

Anyway, forgetting how to throw has had a large effect on my confidence and frankly, makes me more upset than it should. I mean, it is just a game, right? Nonetheless, I care. And so, I periodically have this dream where I am back in high school playing ball. When I was there, I always got playing time. However, in my dreams I am always on the bench. The coach simply will not put me in no matter how much I tell him that I am good. Why would my mind torture myself this way?

As I mentioned in my previous post, last night was less than stellar. I suppose this is my minds way of piling on.

My heart beats again

2008-07-06T01:10:00.001-07:00

I was rejected this evening. I did not expect it and it hurt a lot. The last few years have been very hard for me. For two years, I was in a relationship that seemed to polarize all my loved ones' feelings for me. Some people thought I loved my x-girlfriend. Some people thought I did not love her and I was doing a terrible disservice to her. These people treated me as if I was a shallow asshole. In the past, I had always considered myself sincere. It hurt quite a bit to realize that people did not view me this way.

Perhaps the people in the second group had it right. The ex of course left me. I tried to save the relationship but she just would not listen to me. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps my detractors were right. Perhaps I had lost my sense of romance.

These last few months have been a period of great reflection for me. I want to be sincere and passionate. I want to be in love with life, my pursuits and a special woman with whom I can share them. Perhaps these goals are less than noble but they are my goals and I must live with them.

I have tried my hardest to change my outlook. To this end, I have rededicated myself to my work, I have made my lifestyle more healthy from sleep hours, to work habits to intense and often exercise. To be sure, I have been happier of late. Everything has seemed to be working out better. It takes so little to shake my confidence.

Since coming to L.A., I have had nothing but trouble meeting women. So, I decided to be proactive and I recently signed up for the online dating site eHarmony. With my new found excitement for life, I had decided that it was time to try to move on and start dating. A good friend convinced me that eHarmony is a great site and so off I went.

The few people sent to me did not excite me and I was a little nervous. But then, I started to find better candidates. One in particular stood out to me. There was something very sweet, beautiful and innocent about this girl. "Don't get your hopes up", said one friend. We moved through the process very quickly and we were emailing in no time. In her profile were some concerning details. They were all superficial though. I asked about some of these details and she answered with such honesty and dignity that I felt like I did not have to worry after all.

We finally arranged a phone conversation. We chatted for 2 hours and the conversations was smooth and encouraging. We planned a date after this. We ended up meeting at the Beverly Hills Hotel to walk the dog we babysat for. From her pictures, I thought she was quite pretty. In person, I thought she was absolutely stunning. There are some girls that have a look that speaks to me and I believe it speaks to me more than almost any other man. This is when I feel the most magical of chemistry.

We ended up strolling down and up rodeo drive. I had a super time chatting with her. In the time spent, I generated a few opinions. The most striking thing was the honesty with with she shared her thoughts. I do not like formality but instead, I appreciate when people can share there feelings, taboo be damned. As we walked, she found a hydrangea flower and the excitement which she showed for this flower was inspiring. This small piece of beauty brought more life into her face. This lady is a kind soul. Leaving there, I thought she was loving, thoughtful and also quirky.

I was a little concerned about the quirky nature. She had the habit of asking if something she said was rude or bad to say. She was slow in her response in a way that made you think she is either thoughtful or simply slow. There was a nervous giggle that persisted often laughing at things that I did not understand the humor in. Any concern was overwhelmed by the intense feeling of warmth sensed. Being around this woman, I not only experienced beauty but also comfort. I certainly could not tell where it was going but I knew I would go with a smile on my face.

And that is exactly what I did not for the last few days, I smiled. After I smiled, I smiled some more. One should not be so excited about a girl introduced by a strange program through the internet after spending exactly 1.5 hours with her. I knew this even as I continued to be excited and heard the warning of friend and the ridicule of others in response to me saying something like "this girl I am dating." They would scoff at my thought that this was anything but one day spent with a girl. I knew better.

We had planned to go hiking on Sunday. I spent the last few days from morning through night thinking often of this. I went out today to get hydrangeas to give to her. This was a gesture of romance that I had not successfully made in a long time. And then, earlier this evening I got a call asking if I would like to go dancing this evening. This was the best news I had heard in a long time. She could not even wait until tomorrow to see me. We had to go out now. It was clear that this is working out.

I had plans with a friend but asked if we could cut them short. She graciously agreed. The idea that I did not have to wait another day to see her was tremendous. She wanted to go salsa dancing in Santa Monica and so that is what we set off to do. I used to dance salsa for a few years so I am competent if not good at this dance. Since she said she barely dances, I thought this would be a good situation for me.

When we got there, it was quite hot. When it is hot and I dance, I sweat. When we first started dancing, my shirt was a little damp. She was quite put off by this. There was this frown on her face and she aggressively wiped my sweat off of her arm. I suppose for a lady this can be a disgusting thing. I was somewhat devastated by this turn of events. All of a sudden, all of the positive energy I thought I had earned seemed to go away in the matter of a second.

The wind was really out of my sails. There is nothing worse than feeling attraction towards a beautiful lady and seeing her contort her face in pain because of something physical about you. I felt worthless and disgusting. My lack of self-confidence came out. I desperately wanted to leave and somehow fix the situation. We talked about it a little bit and she apologized and said she "is a princess." She made a strong effort to ignore the sweat and I think she did a good job. While I am pretty sure she did not want to touch me, she danced away and acted as if she was having a good time. The dance floor was very crowded and there was no hole for me to climb in.

After dancing about 5 or 6 songs, I convinced her that we should take a walk. I did not want to play this charade anymore. I knew I had feelings for her and I was pretty convinced that this situation had ruined any chance I had. Perhaps she wanted to see me dancing because she thought this was a place with which I could shine. Maybe this was my chance to convince her that I am attractive.

We walked down the street and I just could not say anything productive. Any chemistry I thought we had was gone. Eventually I was successfully able to address the situation. I was able to get her to explain how she was feeling. To my surprise, while she said she liked me, there was absolutely no spark for her even after (or during) the first date. She thought that perhaps if we went out again, maybe one would develop. From the scrunched look of her face after she first touched me, clearly one did not.

All of the smiles and good feelings that had developed over the last few days were gone. They were replaced by the bad stomach lump. We talked a little more. It sounds like she feels chemistry for some other guys that she had dated or currently is dating. There were no feelings to be had for me.

I quivered a little bit and given that she is a kind human being, she felt bad about this. We still had plans for tomorrow to go hiking. We tried to figure out what to do next. Should we be friends? Am I even capable of being friends? More importantly, how will this affect me? I have been so happy for almost a month now that I was not prepared for this new feeling of sadness. It makes me not want to date again. The highs are so high but the rejection kills me. A strong man needs to deal with lots of rejection. I don't know what it is about me that makes it so hard for me.

I believe my heart is one that some women could desire. I have not found this woman in Los Angeles but intellectually believe she is here. I thought I had found her this past week but I was foolhearty and wrong. As I sit at the lab tomorrow working instead of hiking with this lumninous lady, I will try to focus on keeping myself healthy and on the right path. Inevitably I will instead be wondering what this girl is thinking and how this could have happened.

I hope this wonder does not last long. I need to learn to stay aggressive and positive. I need to learn to not let my opinion of myself waiver based on the beliefs of others. I have to remember that regardless of what happens, my heart beats again. With all of these thoughts in tow, I will instead be wondering if she is thinking about me and if she will change her mind. But if I am lucky, perhaps this time I will be strong enough to move on after a short indulgence.

Bush

2008-06-21T22:22:00.001-07:00

Love him or hate him, funny dude:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dii3mzMQ3SQ&feature=related

Thank you Willie

2008-06-17T16:28:00.000-07:00

Willie Randolph was fired today as the Manager of the New York Mets. Let me start by saying that I can't stand Mets GM Omar Minaya. I feel strongly that major league baseball teams need to be run by educated men. Why trust a multi hundred million dollar business to someone so uneducated and unintelligent? He was made out to be a laughingstock of major league baseball in moneyball and for good reason. The laundry list of his misakes has been well chronicled elsewhere so I won't bother doing it again here.

I feel strongly that Willie was made the scapegoat for the inadequcy of Mr. Minaya and more importantly Jeff Wilpon, the COO and spoiled brat son of Mets owner Fred Wilpon. Neither of these men have any business running a major league baseball team.

The importance of a manager is somewhat overvalued by the sports media. Baseball is for the most part, an individual sport made up of the talents of individual players. Players do not have to work together in the same way as football where a quarterback is only as good as a receiver and vice-versa, or basketball where a point guard is only as good as his big man and vice-versa. A good manager will simply make the moves that statistically give his team the best chance to win. For example, don't bunt with a runner on first and no outs unless your batter is horrible (say a poor hitting pitcher). (http://baseballanalysts.com/archives/2006/07/empirical_analy_1.php). Besides this, he is just there to run practice and make everyone happy, especially the media. He is to a baseball team what the queen is to England. Just be a good ambasador. For the most part, this is exactly what Willie was. He seems to be a class act, someone who sticks up for his players in public, someone who you would want to be around.

So I say thank you to Willie, you are the nicest guy who has managed the Mets for as long as I can remember. You did a fine job for the most part (with the exception of some laughable sac bunts but we will forgive those). Now can we get Omar fired and somehow coerce the Wilpons to sell the Mets? Hey Mark Cuban, if you think running Dallas is fun, you should try a New York team. PLEASE?!?!?!?!

I went running this morning

2008-06-15T21:41:00.000-07:00

I went for a run this morning with my Italian friend. I like to think of my friend's like Smurfs when writing about them. Many get a moniker. For example, I have Writer Friend, Doctor Friend, Hot Doctor Friend, Objectivist friend, Mormon friend aka Boy Wonder friend, Give a wave friend, etc etc.

So anyway, the Italian friend and I went to Santa Monica for a nice run. I have been running since I have been in LA but this was a much longer run than normal. I just looked it up and the run was just about 6 miles. This used to be a cake walk for me but lets just say that graduate school has taken a little away from my active lifestyle. I spend half my time in a dungeon aka office in front of a computer (a window, all i ask for is a window) and the other half in my bedroom in front of a computer.

The first half of the run, I felt pretty good. It was really nice to be down at the beach. When running, the most important thing to me is to be around lots of shiny happy people. The Santa Monica/Venice beach area is filled with just this. We stopped at the pier at the end. It is a pier I have very nice memories from. We took a moment there and watch the waves crashing in. At this point, I realized that my legs were a little jello-like. Nonetheless, after a short period, we headed back. Mr. Italy went on ahead, this dude does marathons and such and he was tired of my turtle like pace.

A quick aside as that reminded me of a summer camp story. When I was in 5th grade, I went to the "Ivy League" day camp. In hindsight, what a pretentious fricken camp theme. I was in the Duke group which perhaps they did not know is not in the Ivy League. I suppose 7 schools is not enough for all of the camp group one needs. My camp group had a funny mix of kids in it. There were lots of stereotypes. It could have been a bad 70s movie like the bad news bears. Anyway, there was the smart/nerdy kid (and no, it wasn't me). He would bring books to camp every day. What kind of red blooded american kid is reading books at camp? Anyway, one day he was reading a book about baseball and he really liked a passage. It was about some ball player that was really slow. It said something like, "if he had the amazingly fast speed of a turtle, he would have been one of the greats." So I asked nerd boy, how fast was this guy? And he said, "a little faster than you." Good times indeed.

Back to the regularly scheduled story. So, the run back was plodding and slow but I made it. It felt good to get a whole run done. But let me tell you, I was spent. My legs were sore, I was light headed, etc etc. We went for lunch and then headed home. I spent the entire day with a headache and barely the ability to move. Now, this evening, I have finally recovered. I think the moral of the story is that it is a bad idea to take most of the year off from taking care of one's body. Lets hope I can do better over the summer.

global warming

2008-06-15T14:12:00.001-07:00

I looked at Swerdloff.com after seeing an add for it on a sign covering a classmate from college's ass. Mr. Swerdloff linked to an interesting article. Perhaps you too will enjoy it.

http://www.kusi.com/weather/colemanscorner/19842304.html

A Deep Breath

2008-06-14T01:51:00.001-07:00

I have a lot of thoughts each day. My state of mind in the evening is often the polar opposite of the next morning. Many evenings I question the purpose of another day on earth. I lie in bed with my face down in one pillow and another covering the back of my head. My head is encased and separated from the rest of the world. But with seapration does not come quiet.

I believe there are a large number of people in this world to whom my being brings joy. At the same time, there is no one in this world to whom my being is a necessity. Perhaps this is the fate of most people. I have often tried to seek a person with whom I could not live without. No matter how hard it has been to be without certain people, I continue to move on. I had worked at jobs to which I felt they would suffer a terrible loss if I left but when the time came, they always moved on without a problem. Things always look different in the morning.

So here I am, realizing that I am capable of living on my own. Perhaps I don't understand why I am living on my own but nonetheless, I live. Furthermore, I strive. Things matter to me, whether they are seemingly small or large. I cared today when I finally played well in a softball game this year. I cared earlier in the week when I made a presentation to my research group on a project I have worked fairly exhaustively on for the past few weeks and it did not seem to go over particularly well. I care that it is possible that even with my desire and hard work, I may not be capable of succeeding in my current endeavor. (may not being the key words because may is another possibility.)

I care about people as well. I care that there is a woman out there somewhere that is so disturbed by the way I treated her that she does not want to hear from me as the mere reminder of my existence is painful. I care that another one of my friends is struggling each day to find a purpose in her life as she travels the world. I care that I seem to have the ability to make her upset at every moment when I don't intend to. I care that yet another one of my friends seems to be floating through life like the paper bag in American beauty. I care that a separate person keeps mentioning dependency on drugs and speaks about life in the passive voice.

But I also care about success. I care when a friend can find wonder in everything in life from a puzzle to a subtle nuance of the day. I care when a friend saves another life and views it in the most mechanical of terms. I care when a friend has found a true calling in life and is willing to share it with me even though she barely knows me. I care when a new bright shining face can throw a softball at me with impressive zip and with a cute smile to boot. I care when a family member has spent 8 years floundering and finally found his way in the world, even if I have become less important in the process.

So there it is, while I seem to live my life in pain and have trouble relying on people, at the same time what I just alluded to is just a subset of the stories of important people in my life. These blurbs have all been shared with me in the past few weeks. Someone cares enough to tell me and all of the pain and success is important.

So where do I stand in this? I am trying to be proud of myself. No matter how much I doubt myself as a researcher, a thinker, a lover, a companion or a teamate, I am trying to keep my head up and keep going. I have met success at times in my past. I plan to meet more going forward.

Today, I finished the last requirement for my quarter of work. This was the first time since I started my PhD that I truly cared about the material I was working on. The excitement was variable over the past few months but make no mistake, it was there. There was a time when I could speak about the special theory of relativity, the fundamentals of calculus, the ideas of the enlightenment, the workings of a data structure or other such greatness and I would just light up. Perhaps I was not the worlds greatest thinker and perhaps I did not always understand the ideas as much as another but nontheless, the greatness was in my appreciation for the beauty of an idea.

I want that. I want that very badly. When my friend said in not so many words that I am a romantic with a multiple-personality disorder, I think she was right. As I take tomorrow off, my first complete day off in 3 months, I hope that in the following day, I can go to sleep with no pillow covering the back of my head separating myself from the world. I hope that I can rest easy knowing that the day had been a success.

Tim Russert

2008-06-13T13:28:00.000-07:00

I don't think I have ever been so sad to hear that a celebrity has passed away as I was when I just found out that Tim Russert has. I have been listening to the Meet the Press podcast almost every week for the last 3 or 4 years. It has been the only mainstream media news show that I could listen to without being angry because of the ridiculous commentary. Mr Russert was intelligent, excited, kind and fair. Even when he absolutely obliterated Ron Paul, perhaps the politician I have been most fond of in my life, I still felt like he did so fairly and objectively.

To Mr. Russert, I thank you for a wonderful career. I find it tragic that you left us so immaturely.

site of the day

2008-05-27T02:33:00.000-07:00

http://www.ibeatyou.com

a memory from high school

2008-05-27T02:00:00.001-07:00

Somehow while working on my latest project presentation, a memory of a night in high school popped into my head. I was on the editorial board of the school literary magazine, The Mast. This just goes to show there was no end to the extra curricular activities I would take part in, no matter how low my qualification level might be.

That being said, I used to enjoy writing a short story or a piece of poetry. Now that I actually write that down, I am thinking I probably would still enjoy such an endeavor. I will have to put that on my todo list. One sec, I'll be right back. OK, added, right before make a Moose stop action movie and right before learn to draw.

Anyway, the editorial board got together my junior year in high school to pick the poetry and short story for the magazine. We gathered in the basement of Dana Levine's house. All of the standard E.L.V.H.S. (our high school) nerds were there. I distinctly remember Dana (it would be weird if she weren't there given it was her house), Nina Tannenbaum, Amy Justman, Kenny Fujita and Nick Soukas being there. I'm sure many others were as well. So, we got down to business. All of the literary entries were there and were to be anonymous. I want to make clear that I am not implicating any of the particular people above as culprits. Only a subset of the members did what I am about to describe.

To get around this little anonymous problem, one by one, when a story that was written by one of the editorial board members came up, that person would get up very awkwardly and giggle, saying something like, "I think I will excuse myself for a moment." I am not sure that if they truly wanted to protect the sanctity of the process, they could have kept their mouths shut. Instead, they each made a scene as if to say, that is mine, I'm not telling you it is mine but wink wink it is. I'll be in the other room, by the time I get back, I expect my poem or story to be in the magazine.

These were supposed to be the pillars of our school, the people who cared. I remember at the time being apalled at the process. It was especially hard knowing that one of my friends who was not there was an excellent writer but not part of this "elite" crowd so he did not get to choose. Thanksfully, his stories stood out well enough on their own to be chosen anyway. But this process was part of the attitude that kept the "smart kids" separated from the "normal kids".

So, a few weeks before, I had written a poem and showed it to Dana, who I considered a good friend. As the co-head editor of the magazine, she encouraged me to submit it. Because of this, I did. When it came time to review my poem, I kept my mouth shut. Only Dana and I knew it was mine and she also kept her mouth shut. We sat there and listened to 10 of those people rip it apart. They said it was two repetitive, it had no meaning. It perhaps could work as song lyrics but not as a poem. I glanced at Dana and we shared a knowing smile.

The poem did not get in but the anthology still sits on my bookshelf in my parents house. It is chock full of many stories of children pretending to know a lot more than they actually did. My one regret is that I do not have a copy of the poem anymore. If it had made it, I would have just one more piece of my childhood to remember. I do have a vague memory of what the poem was about. The last two words of one sentence were the first two words of the next. There was a progression of one thing causing the next until the last line ends up as the first. I suppose that there is a lesson in there somewhere. Ahh well, back to work.

what a strange life

2008-05-11T22:13:00.001-07:00

So I work a lot. It isn't life saving work like Doctors, it isn't back breaking work like construction, it isn't dangerous work like soldiers. While I am not bad at what I do, I also am not particularly good at it either. Over the last 2 months, I have been working about 6 days a week and anywhere from 12-18 hours each day. At the same time, I am barely keeping my head above water. I am struggling to find time to get any research done above my classwork. If this is the best I can do (and I believe it is) and I am barely keeping up, is this the right thing for me to do?

The amazing thing is this has been the first time I have felt like I am making real progress during my graduate studies. While I am moving slowly and I can only hope I can fulfill all my obligations for the quarter, I know that I am learning and even am excited about some of the tasks on my plate. Tasks that used to be mechanical and make no sense to me are starting to feel intuitive. I will have the opportunity this summer to focus purely on research. To this point, while I have successfully published 1 paper, I have largely been a failure at this endeavor. However, I believe that this is the first time I will be able to undertake the task with the proper tools to complete it. If I am able to complete this quarter without disappointing those around me who have the power to judge me too much, I think great things could be coming. Either way, I know that I could not do a better job than I have been doing and this is a good feeling. I simply hope it is enough to keep me moving on.

Which brings me to everything that is not school. I play softball on fridays and racquetball on saturday. This is pretty much everything that is not school. It is not natural. It is easier to handle this given that I have a strong lack of desire these days. It is as if my soul is turned off, my heart does not exist. When I speak to one of my friends from a past life, I invariably upset them in one way or the other. I believe there is an emptiness inside of me that is leaking out and affecting others. There is a certain desperation, a certain lack of feeling that is not who I used to be. There was a period where I felt like a good person. Right now, at the same time as I am finally gaining some steam in my academic career, I wonder if I am losing my way everywhere else.

When I was younger, I used to speak in eloquent terms about academics and science. I used to dream of solving important problems of the world. I use to speak of the elegance of math and the vision of physics. Einstein once said, "What does a fish know about the water in which it swims all its life?" Now that I'm a fish, I have lost it. I am trying to regain it. Look at the homepage of my site here and you will find a pretty picture. Pretty pictures always go a long way towards making me happy.

So I sit here and think about all that I have squandered over the years. I am particularly sad about what I have done to Ms. Sanchez. As I think of all the romantic stories I have ever known, I realize I had a romantic story in my very own life, but being the fish that I am, I let it go. In fact, I may have chased it away like a school of pirahnas. So I hope this is the beginning of perspective. I hope I can find the romantic person I used to be. I hope I can speak of my work with wonder and excitement. Mostly, I hope I can once again engage in the love of life that seems to be at the essence of existence.

So we end with the mantra of the cyclist, may the wind be at your back and also my own.

goat to hero

2008-04-18T21:30:00.001-07:00

So I played my first softball game in about a year today. Let me tell you, it was awful at first. In my defense, I had a few things going against me:

1) I am not used to playing under the lights. It is weird learning to pick up the ball.
2) I was rusty.
3) I was a little nervous as I always am the first day on a new team.
4) The pitching was high pitch which I have rarely if ever had to hit off of so this was new.
5) We started with a 1-1 count which is foreign to me.

Ok, is that enough on the excuse front? So, I struck out twice my first two times up and made an error that cost our team 2 runs. It was not pretty. The first time I struck out, someone told me afterwards that it's ok so long as I don't go down looking. So for good measure, the second time I went down looking.

At that point, I must admit I was pretty down on myself. In the 12 years history of my softball career, those were probably approximately strikeouts 4 and 5. It was not a good feeling. I kept telling myself, "your good at this game god damnit". So, on the 3rd at bat, I fouled off the first pitch making it 1-2. But this was my time; I swung at the next pitch and hit a double up the middle. There were two outs and nobody on so it wasn't exactly a big hit but I at least didn't strike out.

So, partly because of my earlier play, the team was down something like 7 runs but we furiously raced back (no thanks to me) to tie it in the last of the 7th (and final inning). So, we got 1 extra inning. In the top of the inning, our LF made a spectacular diving catch and our short fielder made a great get and long throw to first to perserve the tie. So, in the bottom of the inning the team made a quick 2 outs and I strode to the plate.

Everyone was giving me advice: choke up, cut down on your swing, hit it down, you only need a single, yada yada yada. It's funny how everyone thinks that will help me. Let me tell you something, I swing very hard and it usually works with excellent results. I have tried playing around with the swing but I was meant to be a power hitter. I often hit line drives, it is not like i am hitting pop ups all the time. If I cut down on my swing, I usually hit a soft ball at someone or just pop it out meakly. I am not a directional hitter and I will not try to be anymore. Every time in the past I tried, I failed (or at least most times.) So, I took a mean cut and lined a single to left center. Let me tell you, I was relived. After striking out twice and making a 2-run error, I did not also want to be the guy who made the last out. I mean frankly, I would like to play again on this team and I was not making a good case to do so.

So, I was at first with 2 outs. The next batter came up and popped the ball over my head. I have no idea where it landed because I bolted and never looked back since their were 2 outs. I took all 225 pounds of my frame to the maximum speed they can go, given that I also lifted weights and played racquetball earlier in the day so I was quite famished. And I felt like I was flying...at least as fast as a fleet footed moose. I rounded 2nd and they waived me to third and when I go to third they waived me home. I heard the cheering as I ran in and someone yelled slide. And so I did, just a moment or two before the ball got there. No more the lowly goat but the heroic moose!

yay

This guy is awesome

2008-04-10T00:44:00.000-07:00

this and this

so how many was it?

2008-04-10T00:10:00.000-07:00

I read this article about a jr high sex ed teacher who decided to tell her students that she is gay today. The article mentioned that "Some [parents] complained to school officials." This makes the parents seem to be intolerant and closed minded. My question is, how many parents is "Some"? Is that one set of parents? Was it two? Was it 1/4 of all parents? Half? 3/4? Some is incredibly vague but it leaves me thinking, oh those silly Wisconsin people, they are so bigoted and closed minded.

But wait a second, it only takes one set of parents to state that line. Perhaps the writer is manipulating us because they want to sell the story of a closed minded community. I am absolutely tired of leading sentences like that showing up in the press. Could the press start to be more honest in the way things are reported? Don't use vague words like "some", instead say 2 parents complained or 20 parents complained or whatever it is. The aim should be to paint an accurate picture, not to make us outraged.

I got into a large fight with a non-American friend a few months ago because in my opinion, she was saying a lot of anti-American stuff that I found to be pretty ridiculous. The details are not important and perhaps I was even wrong. What is important is that it has become the norm to spout lots of anti-American things. Now, don't get me wrong, I am no apologist for America. I think The government and the people of the country do lots of bad things. However, the country and the people do lots of wonderful things too. The problem is, the news is reported in such a comic book style that only super terrible and super great things are reported.

If some teacher has a super interesting class and people are open minded and discuss issues in a great way, there is no story to tell. However, if people are outraged in a classroom about a gay teacher or a teacher sleeps with their student or if all the students in a classroom fail a test or if some school has a kid who makes a huge discovery, it is reported. The point is, there are a whole boat load of subtle, every day wonderful things going on in this country that simply go unnoticed by the media. They only focus on sensational stories either positive or negative.

This type of reporting is infuriating. I am at a University where people tend to be very thoughtful, hard working and often have wonderful motives for the things they do. For example, I have a friend who didn't cut his hair for a year. I thought it was his style or he had the personality where he just wouldnt care enough to get a hair cut. However, at the beginning of this quarter, he came back with his head shaved. I was pretty shocked. I asked him what made him shave his head. It turns out he lets his hair grow out to 10" before cutting it so that he can donate it to kids undergoing chemo. I'm pretty sure no one is telling this story.

So, lets stop harping on how Americans are greedy, only care about oil, are imperialistic, lazy, fat, bigoted, wealthy, dominant, great athletes etc etc etc with all of the superlatives people. I get it, there are superlatives. Let's instead focus on the more typical in life. What is the true essense of life here? I would argue there is a wild mix of people and you can come accross all kinds. I like to think that 2 sets of parents called in to complain about the gay teacher and 23 sets were smart enough to realize that it's fine for a sex-ed teacher to be gay. She likes women -- you know what, so do I. Whether or not I am right for this case, I am pretty confident that I am right that American is a much more normal decent place then the stories you get on the news.

Your tax dollars at work

2008-04-09T13:53:00.000-07:00

http://gizmodo.com/377927/federal-employees-spend-your-tax-dollars-on-johnny-walker-gold-gambling-and-ipods

Scott Blowenweiss

2008-04-09T11:06:00.000-07:00

From nymets.com

------------------------------

Yet Schoeneweis stayed in, plunking Utley and then watching as Carlos Delgado threw Howard's potential double-play ball into Utley's back. That play tied the game, so he left the mound to boos and with a 5.40 ERA in tow -- despite the rally hinging largely on luck. Jorge Sosa later allowed Utley to score as well.

"I'm not upset by it," Schoeneweis said of the crowd's reaction. "I'm used to it. It's just commonplace.

----------------------------

So you're used to booing, eh Scott? That's just super.

When it comes to baseball, im often a cold bastard but...

2008-04-08T19:23:00.000-07:00

I tend to eschew the finer stories of baseball in lieu of statistical models of performance. The human interest stories I read about are often tired, cliche and just useless. However, this one made me feel good. I appreciate the management of the Red Sox more every day. Too bad this excellence has to be wasted on the whiniest fans in all of sport.

Apache

2008-04-08T14:14:00.001-07:00

And I thought Will Smith had the funniest video to this song.

I love this man

2008-04-07T10:48:00.001-07:00

It is so simple. I love a man who can explain the simple in simple terms. Why do other politicians have so much trouble seeing the simple truth?

Scan to the 2:00 mark. That is where the fun begins:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEA2gNTeTxk

Sometimes people suck, sometimes they don't. Almond Joy has nuts, Mounds don't.

2008-04-06T14:00:00.000-07:00

I went dancing the other night and had a pretty mediocre night of dancing topped off by one of the worst dances ever. There was a girl who was dancing with a guy and at first they seemed too flashy but after watching for while, I got sucked in a little. The guy was pulling some neat moves. So, a little later I asked the young lady to dance. She said something about needing to see what some guy was doing but she would catch me later. We ended up dancing the next song. It was just awful. She did that whole I think you suck so I'm not going to really dance but just go through the motions thing. I HATE THAT. I was trying everything. I tried to make eye contact, I tried to smile, I tried to be fancier, I tried to be less fancy, but in the end, it just failed. At this point, I was feeling like shit and really wanted the dance to end. And then, very suddenly it did. I wasn't paying attention because my mind was elsewhere and so I did a little right side pass and didn't look where I was sending her. Her back collided with another person's. I apologized and said, are you OK? And she said emphatically, NO. Then, she stormed off. I wasn't quite sure what to do. She walked into a little side room. I walked over there. I wanted to make sure she was OK. (Well, actually I didn't want that but I thought it was the right thing to do.) I sort of just peeked in to see what was going on. She was sitting there and two other people were there with her. I decided that she clearly did not like me for whatever reason so I just walked away. I just did not know how to handle the situation. The truth was, I thought she was a horrible bitch and she was really ruining my night. I was having a hard time believing that a mild back to back collision had truly injured her which is how whe was carrying on.
I ended up just sitting around for the next number of songs. I didn't want to leave on this low note but I did not feel like dancing. It was pretty sad. Then, eventually, she came out of hiding and walked by me and started talking to the guy next to me. She explained dramatically to the guy about how she spun into someone and her arm was above her head and the impact did somehting to her shoulder yada yada yada. Some dude apparently gave her a magical massage. Then, she started dancing again about 2 minutes after that. This was one of the few times in my life where I fantasized about hitting a woman. (ok, not for real but it was a fun thought.)

The funny thing about this situation was the attitude of this girl. She acted as if she was the bell of the ball (thanks to molly for the phrase). She was a good dancer but was no superstar. Also, she was quite unattractive, had an obviously awful personality and frankly her outfit was tacky. It was this light blue drape like thing with a big hole in the back with more material under the hole. She fits one of the ugliest of swing dance stereotypes. She seems to be the ugly nerdy girl growing up who got no attention. I am no foreigner to this type of upbringing. However, I like to think I have come into my own as a decent human being. Anyway, there is a subset of awkward childhood people who seem to harbor lots of regret that they were on the outside. The swing world presents a place for the socially awkward to be social climbers. All the young social outcast who complain about the mean popular kids...well if given the chance, perhaps you shouldn't become them.

Anyway, soon after that I got back to dancing and I found two different ladies that I was able to connect with and had a nice time with. One had this really warm smile and had a great time when she danced. I told her that she had a nice smile. She told me that she is a really happy person. That's nice to be happy and to proclaim it to the world. The other one, well we just had a really nice dance connection. We must have danced about 5 songs together. We both had that knowing look that we felt the same thing from the music through our limbs. I suppose it's true, one person's trash is another person's treasure.

Quote of the day

2008-04-06T13:56:00.000-07:00

"He eats Gummy Bears and Starburst for breakfast, and Twizzlers and Honey Buns for dinner. That's why his stomach hurts. We tell Derrick the whole year, 'Stop eating so many Gummy Bears and Sour Straws.' But he can't. ... Nobody eats Gummy Bears more than him."

-- Memphis baskeyball player Chris Douglas-Roberts on teammate Derrick Rose

Final 4 quote of the day

2008-04-04T23:30:00.000-07:00

"Now, the other programs are more highly thought of than Memphis, and they should be. Between UCLA and Memphis, we've won 11 national titles," he said. "That's a good number."

-- John Calipari

(In case you don't get it, UCLA has 11 national titles)

Lets go Mets

2008-04-03T11:06:00.001-07:00

I would be remiss if I did not mention the beginning of the baseball season. This is my first baseball season away from the east coast. While it is neat to be able to watch baseball games at 10am or 4pm as opposed to 1pm or 7pm, I will get far fewer chances to head out to Shea this year in sadly, its last year. So here is to the Mets who, although they are run by a bunch of morons, have a decent team (great starting staff, mediocre hitting and the bullpen yet to be known). Let's bring one more world series championship to Shea. Short of that, perhaps a Cy Young (Mr. Santana) and an MVP (Mr. Wright.) Lets go Mets!

Response to an article on the flying spaghetti monster.

2008-04-03T10:54:00.000-07:00

In response to this article, I wrote a response to the author:

Dear Mr. Hayes,

In your article "SEEING THROUGH THE HAYES: Flying Spaghetti Monster exposes myth of neutrality in public square", you wrote:

"While the idea of creation via the Flying Spaghetti Monster may seem
ridiculous, modern Darwinist dogma is even more ridiculous in saying
the universe came into existence out of nothing. To put it in
mathematical terms, nobody multiplied by nothing equals everything."

The problem with this statement is that you are not attacking evolution, you are attacking some individuals' misinterpretation of evolution. The theory of evolution does not postulate on the origins of the universe. Genetics speaks of subjects such as natural selection, recombination, adaptation, genetic drift, etc. In other words, it speaks about how one generation comes from the previous generation.

It should be made clear that we should not be teaching the origin of life in school systems whether we do it through faith based ideas or some conjecture based on the theory of evolution. The bottom line is people do not know about the origin of life. Perhaps it would be OK to say that people have created stories based on dieties or a non-scientific extension to the theory of evolution in order to explain the origins of life.

Evolution is scientific; that is to say there are hypothesis, experiments, theories and meticulous process and proofs involved to try to create a robust theory. The misinterpretation of evolution can cause many problems. It's use as a scientific tool is unquestionable by reasonable people. There simply have been too many important applications of the theory for it to be ignored by scientists. By the same thread, no reasonable person should claim that it explains the origins of the universe as it does not.

While I applaud the defense of free expression in your article, I think your mischaracterization of evolution is dangerous. It is clear to me that what to teach at a school should be decided as locally as possible. When state and federal governments get involved, our education becomes worse, often simply serving the needs of the government. For example, instead of learning about the details of controversial presidents such as Lincoln and FDR, we simply learn "they were great men." If I know one thing, it is that the government is not the one to be making moral judgments as to how a community should teach it's children.

The curriculum for a school should be set by its school board, administrators and teachers, composed of elected members of the community and trained professionals (we can dream, right?). If they choose to eschew a solid scientific theory such as evolution in support of some dogma about the origin of the universe, I will weep for their children but applaud their freedom. Schools that need to teach dogma at the expense of science will create a group of children ill-equipped to excel in this world. This is the communities right and theirs alone.

Sincerely,

Ethan L. Schreiber

Standard Gov't

2008-04-03T10:15:00.001-07:00

Steal, give to someone more important, repeat.

http://biz.yahoo.com/ap/080403/congress_bear_stearns.html